Why does my toddler misbehave and cry so much?

My son is 16 mos old, I admit when I first started disciplining him I had no idea what I was doing. I would smack his hand when he got into stuff. Then I read that you shouldn't do that and try to use time out or telling him "No, don't do that". So now he is to the point just in the past 6 mos he whines for everything. Like just now he picked up my husbands lighter and I took it away. He swatted at me then screamed like he had been hit in the face. He will whine for a drink or if you leave the room he will cry like he is dying if you tell him no. Also he won't stay out of things. I know it is normal for toddlers to get into stuff but I literally tell him 20 times a day to stop touching the TV or mommy's books or anything he can't have. 20 times per thing he can't have. I just tell him over and over and I don't know why he doesn't understand he can't have that or that whining and tantrums don't get him anywhere.I just need some parenting advice to het me and him through this stage. HELP