How can a former Christian / current atheist start believing in God and Jesus again?

I used to be a devout protestant, but shortly after 9/11, I stopped believing in God and Jesus. Now I feel like Adam and Eve after the fall, my eyes opened yet simultaneously very unhappy. The other day I realized when I was a Christian, my blind faith that Jesus loved me kept me very joyful. I miss the joy, but how can I go back now that I don't believe the fairytale?